My South is mommas and daddys
My South is SEC football
In my South, the King is still king
My South is fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and sweet tea
In my South Andy Taylor is the sheriff and Ben Matlock is your lawyer
In my South men open doors for women and women are ladies
My South has long, hot summers
My South has a million different names for grandmothers and grandfathers
In my South respect to elders is taught through modeling and a belt
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Tough Guise
I recently had a discussion with a friend about the new Lincoln movie. They told me it was good. I responded with "Oh, so it was science fiction." The topic then shifted to Lincoln's real life and my friend mentioned that she had heard a theory that Abraham Lincoln was gay. The majority of these theories center around the fact that Honest Abe was known to share a bed with other men. What a stupid premise on which to base a theory. Same-sex bed sharing was quite common in the 19th century due to the lack of affordable lodging. John Wayne is the only cowboy who wasn't sharing a room with only man in the local saloon/inn. Working men who hadn't settled a homestead stayed in hotel rooms with eight to 10 other fellows. The lucky ones slept in the bed. Another facet of the homosexual Lincoln theory is that he write letters back and forth with dear male friends. People have also attempted to make Jesus gay and John his lover. Ugh.
Why does our over-sexed society wish to label people who have great same-sex friendships as gay? Why do guys have to preface comments with "no homo"? Why do men have to put up walls and act tough? I don't have a lot to say about this subject other than it gets on my nerves. Jesus wasn't gay, neither was Abraham Lincoln. Both just knew what it was like to have a great man that cares for you.
Why does our over-sexed society wish to label people who have great same-sex friendships as gay? Why do guys have to preface comments with "no homo"? Why do men have to put up walls and act tough? I don't have a lot to say about this subject other than it gets on my nerves. Jesus wasn't gay, neither was Abraham Lincoln. Both just knew what it was like to have a great man that cares for you.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Rooster Cogburn's Coaching Candidates
As you already know, the University of Tennessee just fired Dwreck Derek Fooley Doolander Dooley after 3 years on the job. His tenure was marked with growth off the field (VFL program, not recruiting thugs, getting players academically eligible) and tremendous decline on the field (4-20 in the SEC, 8 straight SEC loses, never beating Georgia, Florida or Alabama, losing Vanderbilt and Kentucky in back to back seasons, I could go on but....) In short, a change was needed. In a big way. Winning seems like a distant memory.
If given the opportunity, I would gladly perform the coaching search. For free. Because I'm a good guy. In fact, I've already got a few men in mind that I believe would have immediately success. Men with proven track records. Men that get results. Here are the top 5:
1. Vince Lombardi--I mean, c'mon! He has a trophy named after him! He'd be perfect!
2. Davy Crockett--loves Tennessee, doesn't go down without a fight. I believe he could make a killing out on the (recruiting) trail.
3. Ronald Reagan--great leader, great American, economical, takes no BS, played college football.
4. John Wooden--10 NCAA titles. Sounds like a winner to me.
5. General Neyland--bringing back a former coach seems to be a hot trend. Kansas State did it and they are having great success.
What's that you say? All these guys are dead!? Oh. Ok, I'll keep looking. Here are the candidates to stay away from.
1. Jim Mora--he thinks you should never talk about the playoffs. And with BCS playoffs being instituted this it would put us behind the 8 ball.
2. Anyone named Kiffin. Not because one of them is really, really old and the other is a DB. I just don't like that name.
3. Peyton Manning--Because he still has 4 more Super Bowls to win.
4. Erwin Rommel--for obvious reasons
5. Barbara Dooley--because that just might be kinda awkward.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
If given the opportunity, I would gladly perform the coaching search. For free. Because I'm a good guy. In fact, I've already got a few men in mind that I believe would have immediately success. Men with proven track records. Men that get results. Here are the top 5:
1. Vince Lombardi--I mean, c'mon! He has a trophy named after him! He'd be perfect!
2. Davy Crockett--loves Tennessee, doesn't go down without a fight. I believe he could make a killing out on the (recruiting) trail.
3. Ronald Reagan--great leader, great American, economical, takes no BS, played college football.
4. John Wooden--10 NCAA titles. Sounds like a winner to me.
5. General Neyland--bringing back a former coach seems to be a hot trend. Kansas State did it and they are having great success.
What's that you say? All these guys are dead!? Oh. Ok, I'll keep looking. Here are the candidates to stay away from.
1. Jim Mora--he thinks you should never talk about the playoffs. And with BCS playoffs being instituted this it would put us behind the 8 ball.
2. Anyone named Kiffin. Not because one of them is really, really old and the other is a DB. I just don't like that name.
3. Peyton Manning--Because he still has 4 more Super Bowls to win.
4. Erwin Rommel--for obvious reasons
5. Barbara Dooley--because that just might be kinda awkward.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
"Real Men Don't" for 10/23/12
It has been too long. Feel free to welcome me back to the blogosphere by some sort of monetary donation. Here we go.
Real Men Don't....
...Cheer for the American League in the Fall Classic. Real baseball is played in the NL.
...shirk their responsibility to vote. November 6th, Americans. Do it.
...turn their back on their team when they are struggling.
...play video games. Come on, dude.
...turn their back on good traditions.
..."lay up" on the golf course. "The Skillet" can back me up on this.
...turn off Andy Griffith Show reruns.
...not know how to change tires, string a fishing pole, load a gun and use the grill.
...objectify women, neglect their family and ignore their children.
...tolerate badly brewed unsweet tea.
...post excessively on blogs. I guess I have that one covered.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Real Men Don't....
...Cheer for the American League in the Fall Classic. Real baseball is played in the NL.
...shirk their responsibility to vote. November 6th, Americans. Do it.
...turn their back on their team when they are struggling.
...play video games. Come on, dude.
...turn their back on good traditions.
..."lay up" on the golf course. "The Skillet" can back me up on this.
...turn off Andy Griffith Show reruns.
...not know how to change tires, string a fishing pole, load a gun and use the grill.
...objectify women, neglect their family and ignore their children.
...tolerate badly brewed unsweet tea.
...post excessively on blogs. I guess I have that one covered.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
SOCON FOOTBALL POWER RANKINGS (Through Week 6)
1. Wofford College Terriers 5-0 (3-0), Next Opponent: @ Georgia Southern
2. Georgia Southern Eagles 4-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Wofford
3. Appalachian State Mountaineers 4-2 (2-1), Next Opponent: @ Samford
4. Samford Bulldogs 5-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Appalachian State
5. Citadel Bulldogs 2-3 (2-2), Next Opponent: Western Carolina
6. Furman Paladins 2-4 (1-2) Next Opponent: Chattanooga
7. Chattanooga Mocs 2-3 (1-1) Next Opponent: @ Furman
8. Elon Phoenix 2-4 (0-3) Next Opponent: BYE
9. Western Carolina Catamounts 1-5 (0-4) Next Opponent: @ Citadel
Folks, we have a huge upcoming week for Southern Conference football. Wofford College travels to Paulson Stadium in Statesboro to face off against recent bitter rival Georgia Southern. Appalachian State faces one loss Samford, both teams seem ready to prove they are serious title contenders. Finally, we have Chattanooga fighting for their lives to save the young disappointing season and stay in the mix against Furman. Furman is ahead of Chattanooga currently in the power rankings due to Chattanooga's poor offense and Furman losing multiple games to quality opponents. The Citadel, after starting the season surprising Georgia Southern at home and blowing out the Mountaineers in Boone, seem to quickly be running out of gas. Go Check out your local team this Weekend.
1. Wofford College Terriers 5-0 (3-0), Next Opponent: @ Georgia Southern
2. Georgia Southern Eagles 4-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Wofford
3. Appalachian State Mountaineers 4-2 (2-1), Next Opponent: @ Samford
4. Samford Bulldogs 5-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Appalachian State
5. Citadel Bulldogs 2-3 (2-2), Next Opponent: Western Carolina
6. Furman Paladins 2-4 (1-2) Next Opponent: Chattanooga
7. Chattanooga Mocs 2-3 (1-1) Next Opponent: @ Furman
8. Elon Phoenix 2-4 (0-3) Next Opponent: BYE
9. Western Carolina Catamounts 1-5 (0-4) Next Opponent: @ Citadel
Folks, we have a huge upcoming week for Southern Conference football. Wofford College travels to Paulson Stadium in Statesboro to face off against recent bitter rival Georgia Southern. Appalachian State faces one loss Samford, both teams seem ready to prove they are serious title contenders. Finally, we have Chattanooga fighting for their lives to save the young disappointing season and stay in the mix against Furman. Furman is ahead of Chattanooga currently in the power rankings due to Chattanooga's poor offense and Furman losing multiple games to quality opponents. The Citadel, after starting the season surprising Georgia Southern at home and blowing out the Mountaineers in Boone, seem to quickly be running out of gas. Go Check out your local team this Weekend.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
The B1G is terrible
...and so is every other conference besides the SEC.
Big Ten
Hapless Penn State wasted Northwestern today and knocked them out of the Top 25. Nebraska will probably be knocked out of the Top 25 after losing to Ohio State. Ohio State is the best Big Tenlevenvle team (and likely will be the only ranked team come tomorrow) but is not eligible for the post season. The rest of the Big Ten is garbage and I won't even discuss them. I cannot wait until Bowl Season when the B1G looks even worse. Lee Corso (this is the last time I will ever reference this "man") said last week that the B1G should do an 11-game round robin and each team should play one OOC game against an FCS team so it isn't as obvious how weak the B1G is. There are a slew of reasons why this is happening and the armchair economist in me says that the decline of the Rust Belt plays a bigger part in the decline in the B1G than anyone wants to mention. If you were to ask Colin Cowherd, he would tell you that there are more "babydolls" and the weather is better in California and the South and that is why the players and coaches emigrate out of the Rust Belt.
The ACC
Clemson tried to grab the brass ring but EJ pulled it out of reach last week. Clemson will host South Carolina to end their regular season which will end their BCS hopes. Clemson isn't the answer.
Florida State is looking good but plays at Miami, at VA Tech (read this "Va Tech", don't say "Virgina Tech" in your head), and at Maryland. None of these teams are spectacular but methinks they will lose one of these games. They will end their regular season hosting Florida who will end their BCS NCG hopes if one of the aforementioned teams don't beat the Gators to it. Free Shoes U isn't the answer. UPDATE: FSU loses to NC State 17-16. How good is Tennessee?
Virginia Tech. Traditional ACC power Virginia Teach. Wow, what a season Frank Beamer is having. Their loss to Pittsburgh was crippling. Pitt had lost two weeks prior to Youngstown State which is a respectable FCS team. Last week VA Tech lost to Cincinnati. Ouch. This week they lost to basketball school UNC. I can imagine that the pitchfork and torch crowd is assembling in Blacksburg, VA.
Big XII
This isn't football but featured the best thing going in the Big XII.
Vintage Bob Stoops.
JF's prediction: Bob Stoops will take his team to play in the 2013 Bob Stoops Invitational.
Big East
This commercial was originally about Big East football but TMIMITW didn't like picking on the less fortunate.
PAC-12
LSU smothered Washington 41-3. Two weeks later Washington beat #8 Stanford 17-13. During the game Jesse Palmer said that Washington had a "SEC-caliber defense." LSU has a bad SEC offense. Am I missing something?
USC was supposed to be the team to finally take down the SEC but haven't looked remarkable all season.
Oregon is good but still has USC, Washingon, Oregon State, and the PAC-12 CG on tap. I think it is safe to say that they lose one of those contests.
Notre Dame
The Irish are looking good but have to play USC, Stanford, and Oklahoma. Gone are the days of my childhood when Notre Dame ate cupcakes every weekend on NBC. I'd love to see Notre Dame make it to the BCS NCG and face <insert random elite SEC team here>.
SEC
Wow. Wow. Wow.
We can divide the conference into five levels
Alabama - Alabama. (I don't even need to say "'Nuff said.")
The Big Boys - Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, LSU. These guys can scare Alabama before losing. They can beat one another and should beat all the underlings of the conference. Yes, Florida is back.
Not Ready for Primetime Players - Tennessee and Mississippi State. Up and coming teams. Good enough to compete with anyone but not ready for the SEC CG. Tennessee beat NC State handily. Florida's win over LSU makes the Florida loss look better but Georgia's loss to Sakerlina makes the Vols look worse. Can comparative scoring ever be trusted? Yes, when it benefits your team.
Hoping for a Bowl - Auburn, Texas A&M, Vanderbilt, Missouri, Ole Miss. Ole Miss is the only team happy to be at this level. Vanderbilt thought that their Thursday night home opener against the Gamecocks was going to be their coming out party. Missouri and A&M said all summer that they didn't take kindly to the notion that they wouldn't immediately compete in the SEC. I wouldn't have taken kindly to it either but it doesn't make it any less true. Gene Chizik will be fired at the end of the season if he has a losing record.
Kentucky - Kentucky and Arkansas. Do we need details?
Class dismissed, enjoy Fall Break.
Big Ten
Hapless Penn State wasted Northwestern today and knocked them out of the Top 25. Nebraska will probably be knocked out of the Top 25 after losing to Ohio State. Ohio State is the best Big Tenlevenvle team (and likely will be the only ranked team come tomorrow) but is not eligible for the post season. The rest of the Big Ten is garbage and I won't even discuss them. I cannot wait until Bowl Season when the B1G looks even worse. Lee Corso (this is the last time I will ever reference this "man") said last week that the B1G should do an 11-game round robin and each team should play one OOC game against an FCS team so it isn't as obvious how weak the B1G is. There are a slew of reasons why this is happening and the armchair economist in me says that the decline of the Rust Belt plays a bigger part in the decline in the B1G than anyone wants to mention. If you were to ask Colin Cowherd, he would tell you that there are more "babydolls" and the weather is better in California and the South and that is why the players and coaches emigrate out of the Rust Belt.
The ACC
Clemson tried to grab the brass ring but EJ pulled it out of reach last week. Clemson will host South Carolina to end their regular season which will end their BCS hopes. Clemson isn't the answer.
Florida State is looking good but plays at Miami, at VA Tech (read this "Va Tech", don't say "Virgina Tech" in your head), and at Maryland. None of these teams are spectacular but methinks they will lose one of these games. They will end their regular season hosting Florida who will end their BCS NCG hopes if one of the aforementioned teams don't beat the Gators to it. Free Shoes U isn't the answer. UPDATE: FSU loses to NC State 17-16. How good is Tennessee?
Virginia Tech. Traditional ACC power Virginia Teach. Wow, what a season Frank Beamer is having. Their loss to Pittsburgh was crippling. Pitt had lost two weeks prior to Youngstown State which is a respectable FCS team. Last week VA Tech lost to Cincinnati. Ouch. This week they lost to basketball school UNC. I can imagine that the pitchfork and torch crowd is assembling in Blacksburg, VA.
Big XII
This isn't football but featured the best thing going in the Big XII.
Vintage Bob Stoops.
JF's prediction: Bob Stoops will take his team to play in the 2013 Bob Stoops Invitational.
Big East
This commercial was originally about Big East football but TMIMITW didn't like picking on the less fortunate.
PAC-12
LSU smothered Washington 41-3. Two weeks later Washington beat #8 Stanford 17-13. During the game Jesse Palmer said that Washington had a "SEC-caliber defense." LSU has a bad SEC offense. Am I missing something?
USC was supposed to be the team to finally take down the SEC but haven't looked remarkable all season.
Oregon is good but still has USC, Washingon, Oregon State, and the PAC-12 CG on tap. I think it is safe to say that they lose one of those contests.
Notre Dame
The Irish are looking good but have to play USC, Stanford, and Oklahoma. Gone are the days of my childhood when Notre Dame ate cupcakes every weekend on NBC. I'd love to see Notre Dame make it to the BCS NCG and face <insert random elite SEC team here>.
SEC
Wow. Wow. Wow.
We can divide the conference into five levels
Alabama - Alabama. (I don't even need to say "'Nuff said.")
The Big Boys - Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, LSU. These guys can scare Alabama before losing. They can beat one another and should beat all the underlings of the conference. Yes, Florida is back.
Not Ready for Primetime Players - Tennessee and Mississippi State. Up and coming teams. Good enough to compete with anyone but not ready for the SEC CG. Tennessee beat NC State handily. Florida's win over LSU makes the Florida loss look better but Georgia's loss to Sakerlina makes the Vols look worse. Can comparative scoring ever be trusted? Yes, when it benefits your team.
Hoping for a Bowl - Auburn, Texas A&M, Vanderbilt, Missouri, Ole Miss. Ole Miss is the only team happy to be at this level. Vanderbilt thought that their Thursday night home opener against the Gamecocks was going to be their coming out party. Missouri and A&M said all summer that they didn't take kindly to the notion that they wouldn't immediately compete in the SEC. I wouldn't have taken kindly to it either but it doesn't make it any less true. Gene Chizik will be fired at the end of the season if he has a losing record.
Kentucky - Kentucky and Arkansas. Do we need details?
Class dismissed, enjoy Fall Break.
Long Time No See
Wednesday's Presidential debate was the highest rated presidential debate since the Gipper vs the Peanut Farmer. 67 million Americans skipped church and watched Willard Mitt Romney take President Obama to the woodshed. President Obama's lackluster performance has been blamed on altitude, marijuana, and John Kerry among other things. Basically his debate loss has been blamed on everything but Mitt Romney being a better debater.
President Obama and George W. Bush couldn't be more different when it comes to how they project themselves in public: Bush was folksy, corny, unpolished, an inept; Obama is calm, cool, collected, and wise (except when is isn't..) Obama doesn't go anywhere without a teleprompter and Bush rarely used one. Does that make Bush genuine and Obama fake or does it mean Obama is smart and Bush is dumb? Doesn't matter. In debates, you can't be aided by a teleprompter. Candidates study for days because on the stage all they have is their wits. Plainly stated, Romney outwitted Obama. Who could have guessed this? Jubal Foster.
My pre-debate prediction (which I shared with friends off-line) hinged on Romney's Mormon faith. I am not a Mormon but they do a few things well. They understand the importance of piety, family, faith, and community. One of the things I most admire Mormons for is how they conduct their services. They have no vocational pastors, only elected officials that guide services and their ward (church body). The LDS church has ward zones (think public school zoning) that show Mormons where they must attend. The ward comes together to make decisions and take care of one another. How did I get this far off topic? I need to do another post about Mormons. Anyway, Mormons don't have pastors like protestants do. Each church member is required to give a talk when called upon by their bishop. Some topics are assigned, other times topics are at the discretion of the speaker. Church members are required to give talks in church starting in middle school. Mitt Romney also served a two-year missionary trip where he tried to sell the LDS church on people 24/7/365 x2. Mitt Romney's Mormon upbringing gives him a natural advantage in public speaking and debating.
Mitt Romney was better prepared for the debate and, in turn, won the debate due to his lifetime of public speaking whereas President Obama has crippled himself with his constant use of a teleprompter.
Team Obama Excuses
Smoking weed: maybe but highly doubtful.
Altitude sickness: seriously? Probably the hardest reaching excuse I've seen.
Something else on his mind: could it have been this?
John Kerry: we've known for a long time that President Obama is a stone cold narcissist and can't take people bringing up shortcomings of his administration.
Debates are dog and pony shows. I enjoy them as entertainment only. Will Mitt Romney's debate skills save the economy? Bring peace in the Middle East? Curb government corruption? Nope. The post-debate polls have been great for Romney but debates shouldn't be how you decide your vote. Look at the issues, not the debates. I'd rather have a 400 lb president with a rat-tail that stutters with good political positions than having someone that is as handsome as Robert Redford and is as eloquent as Brent Musberger. Did I just say Robert Redford was handsome? Yes I did. Class dismissed.
President Obama and George W. Bush couldn't be more different when it comes to how they project themselves in public: Bush was folksy, corny, unpolished, an inept; Obama is calm, cool, collected, and wise (except when is isn't..) Obama doesn't go anywhere without a teleprompter and Bush rarely used one. Does that make Bush genuine and Obama fake or does it mean Obama is smart and Bush is dumb? Doesn't matter. In debates, you can't be aided by a teleprompter. Candidates study for days because on the stage all they have is their wits. Plainly stated, Romney outwitted Obama. Who could have guessed this? Jubal Foster.
My pre-debate prediction (which I shared with friends off-line) hinged on Romney's Mormon faith. I am not a Mormon but they do a few things well. They understand the importance of piety, family, faith, and community. One of the things I most admire Mormons for is how they conduct their services. They have no vocational pastors, only elected officials that guide services and their ward (church body). The LDS church has ward zones (think public school zoning) that show Mormons where they must attend. The ward comes together to make decisions and take care of one another. How did I get this far off topic? I need to do another post about Mormons. Anyway, Mormons don't have pastors like protestants do. Each church member is required to give a talk when called upon by their bishop. Some topics are assigned, other times topics are at the discretion of the speaker. Church members are required to give talks in church starting in middle school. Mitt Romney also served a two-year missionary trip where he tried to sell the LDS church on people 24/7/365 x2. Mitt Romney's Mormon upbringing gives him a natural advantage in public speaking and debating.
Mitt Romney was better prepared for the debate and, in turn, won the debate due to his lifetime of public speaking whereas President Obama has crippled himself with his constant use of a teleprompter.
Team Obama Excuses
Smoking weed: maybe but highly doubtful.
Altitude sickness: seriously? Probably the hardest reaching excuse I've seen.
Something else on his mind: could it have been this?
John Kerry: we've known for a long time that President Obama is a stone cold narcissist and can't take people bringing up shortcomings of his administration.
Debates are dog and pony shows. I enjoy them as entertainment only. Will Mitt Romney's debate skills save the economy? Bring peace in the Middle East? Curb government corruption? Nope. The post-debate polls have been great for Romney but debates shouldn't be how you decide your vote. Look at the issues, not the debates. I'd rather have a 400 lb president with a rat-tail that stutters with good political positions than having someone that is as handsome as Robert Redford and is as eloquent as Brent Musberger. Did I just say Robert Redford was handsome? Yes I did. Class dismissed.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Jubal Foster's Week Two SEC Picks
Auburn over Mississippi State in a close one. Chizik is 16-11 without quarterbacks named Cam Newton. The seat will warm up this season and will officially be hot if he loses this one.
South Carolina over East Carolina. No contest.
Florida over Texas A&M in a pillow fight.
Alabama over Western Kentucky in a no-contest
Tennessee over Georgia State. The 10 runs after five innings rule will be applied.
UTEP over Ole Miss.
Arkansas drubs ULL-Monroe.
LSU kills Washington and makes them stop using the purple-gold combination.
Kentucky beats Kent State by a touchdown. Joker Phillips submits his resume to Kent State officials at halftime anyway.
Vanderbilt over Northwestern in the pregame quiz bowl and later in the football contest that no one cares about.
Missouri over Georgia. Yup. Read it twice.
South Carolina over East Carolina. No contest.
Florida over Texas A&M in a pillow fight.
Alabama over Western Kentucky in a no-contest
Tennessee over Georgia State. The 10 runs after five innings rule will be applied.
UTEP over Ole Miss.
Arkansas drubs ULL-Monroe.
LSU kills Washington and makes them stop using the purple-gold combination.
Kentucky beats Kent State by a touchdown. Joker Phillips submits his resume to Kent State officials at halftime anyway.
Vanderbilt over Northwestern in the pregame quiz bowl and later in the football contest that no one cares about.
Missouri over Georgia. Yup. Read it twice.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
SEC WEEK ONE PICKS
Tennessee vs. North
Carolina state- Vols roll. Rocky Top
will leave Atlanta happy.
Buffalo at Georgia-Georgia
will take care of Buffalo easily.
Bowling Green at
Florida-Florida will handle Bowling Green.
Hopefully they can figure out a quarterback in the process.
Central Arkansas at Ole Miss-Rebels
Jacksonville State at
Arkansas-Arkansas
Jackson State at Mississippi
State-Mississippi State will take the easy ones while they last.
North Texas at LSU- No need
for a badger in this game. LSU
Southeastern Louisiana at
Missouri-Missouri knows they need to win the easy ones to have some confidence
before facing Georgia.
Auburn at Clemson-This should
be a great game. When its close I always
go with the SEC team, Auburn wins close.
Michigan vs. Alabama-This
will be closer than you think. Alabama wins.
Kentucky at Louisville-Please
Kentucky don’t drop the ball. UK wins
close.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
"Real Men Don't" for 8/29/12
Periodically, the Brand New Old Man will enlighten the general public with rules for the red-blooded American male. Feel free to live by these if you don't want to live a life void of all tact, class and manliness.
Real Men Don't...
-wear skinny jeans.
-say things like "There's too much cheese on this dish".
-watch Glee. For any reason.
-text things like LOL, ;-), or OMG.
-call a lawn service.
-use hair conditioner.
-say things like "There is too much meat on my plate".
-shirk their responsibility to vote
-switch team allegiances
-let their wives/girlfriends/mothers/sisters/any female open their own door.
-cry while there is another human being within 4 miles. (There are addendums to this rule but that will have to be another post.)
-let a woman pay on a date.
-wear TOMS. Ever.
-hit women. You freaking coward.
-watch the 3rd strike.
-accept passivity.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
BNOM
Real Men Don't...
-wear skinny jeans.
-say things like "There's too much cheese on this dish".
-watch Glee. For any reason.
-text things like LOL, ;-), or OMG.
-call a lawn service.
-use hair conditioner.
-say things like "There is too much meat on my plate".
-shirk their responsibility to vote
-switch team allegiances
-let their wives/girlfriends/mothers/sisters/any female open their own door.
-cry while there is another human being within 4 miles. (There are addendums to this rule but that will have to be another post.)
-let a woman pay on a date.
-wear TOMS. Ever.
-hit women. You freaking coward.
-watch the 3rd strike.
-accept passivity.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
BNOM
Be Assertive, Mitt!
The Presidential election is now only 72 days away. After following the
entire campaign intently up to the convention, I am still waiting to
see Mitt Romney go on the attack. It is clear to me Romney is not in
his comfort zone under the constant eye of Democrats who want to paint
the picture of him being some evil greedy rich guy who destroyed the
middle class. Romney thus far has been ashamed to embrace his many
accomplishments because he still thinks he needs to be seen as a regular
guy to get elected. Only going by the talk of how life used to be,
American culture and society in general must have taken a seismic shift
South sometime in the last 50 years. I say this because in today’s
culture it actually feels awkward to tell most of our peers the big time
moves we are making to move up in life, because a lot of our peers just
are not doing much. Large groups of people today feel they are
entitled to a handout because of the comparative disadvantages they may
have faced that a trust fund kid did not have to endure. I am not the
site historian, but it is obvious the generation of Americans who worked
for everything they owned were so happy when their hard worked paid off
they spoiled their children without thinking about it. This created a
tidal wave of feeling entitled across an entire generation that became a
breeding ground for people who could receive without ever knowing what
it was like to actually be pushed to their personal limits. The task of
training students to evolve into hard working Americans has been almost
solely handed to the government run school systems and this has become a
disaster. The decline in family values and broken homes has resulted
in an overall soft approach to life where everyone gets a trophy and
last is as good as first. The longer this pattern continues, the more
dangerous it is for our country and the more she will weaken.
Obama rallied these very people out of the wood works with a message of hope and change. Obama wooed the masses through charisma and elaborate speeches into believing there is an easy way out through his administration. Mitt Romney needs to start speaking to the other side of the aisle. He needs to show no remorse for his accomplishments and show the people that everything he has had his hands on has been a winner. He needs to explain his entire family has reaped the benefits of a successful sow and encourage people they can do the same. Romney must turn his work at Bain Capital into a campaign positive by showing he understands business, the economy, and what business owners want. He needs to retell many Americans that jobs come from businesses who are profitable. Mitt Romney may not be a regular guy but I do not want a regular guy as my President. I want someone who actually has the skills to do a good job and be a strong leader. The more traditional Americans have fallen silent to the boisterous liberals, but there are still more people who know what America was like compared to the gullible new age. Mitt Romney must be more assertive and rally the silent majority that is begging for a change. We need a leader.
DrJ
Obama rallied these very people out of the wood works with a message of hope and change. Obama wooed the masses through charisma and elaborate speeches into believing there is an easy way out through his administration. Mitt Romney needs to start speaking to the other side of the aisle. He needs to show no remorse for his accomplishments and show the people that everything he has had his hands on has been a winner. He needs to explain his entire family has reaped the benefits of a successful sow and encourage people they can do the same. Romney must turn his work at Bain Capital into a campaign positive by showing he understands business, the economy, and what business owners want. He needs to retell many Americans that jobs come from businesses who are profitable. Mitt Romney may not be a regular guy but I do not want a regular guy as my President. I want someone who actually has the skills to do a good job and be a strong leader. The more traditional Americans have fallen silent to the boisterous liberals, but there are still more people who know what America was like compared to the gullible new age. Mitt Romney must be more assertive and rally the silent majority that is begging for a change. We need a leader.
DrJ
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Pledging Allegiance
Here in the South, there are a few things that are just understood. When it snows in the winter, you are required to go to the Bi-Lo and buy as much milk, eggs and bread as you possibly can. You watch the Braves whether you like baseball or not. When you ask for tea, it is understood that it is supposed to be sweet. And in the fall, you have a college football team you root for.
Until I got into high school, I had never really met anyone that denied having a football team. I'm sure I had, but I never thought about it. It just seemed everyone I knew had a team they were a fan of. My guess as to why college football is so popular in the South dates back to the mid 1800's. When the War of Northern Aggression was launched in 1861, the people of the South set up a Confederate government that hinged upon states rights. This government had many flaws and, in fact, some Southern states even tried to secede from the Confederacy because they believed they were being wronged. The people of the South have immense regional and state pride and I believe it stems from the "Us-versus-Them" mentality that was fostered by the War. Today, people identify with their state/school and this is where I believe the intense "fandom" comes from.
But I digress.
I am a Tennessee fan. I didn't choose the team. I didn't pick them because I came of age in the 90's when they were very dominate. I didn't choose them because they played in the SEC. I didn't pick them because I like the color orange. I follow the University of Tennessee because some of the first games I remember seeing on our TV (that got 12 channels) were Tennessee football games. Those games were on there because my dad turned them on. He was watching them because he always had. He started following them because his Daddy listened to them on the radio in their home when my father was young. My grandfather didn't buy a TV until my dad was in high school. Being a farmer, he never had much time to watch. But when he did the Braves and SEC football games, more importantly UT games, would be tuned into. You see, allegiances are passed down. Inherited. That is just good form.
Teaching and coaching middle school boys, I hear about sports all day. Who won last night, who plays tonight, who likes which team, who hates which team, and who has tickets for this Saturdays game. One thing that I am seeing as a trend is that most student age kids nowadays have multiple "teams" i.e. " Oh, yeah, I watched that game last night. That's my 3rd favorite team!". These ideas are very foreign to me. Isn't the point of having a favorite team stem from the fact that they are your FAVORITE team. I have taken more class time then I should probably admit to correct the error of these adolescents' ways. They will thank me one day.
The fact is, I feel blessed to have the father I did, to have been raised watching football in the Greatest Conference in the Milky Way galaxy and having born witness to things like Stoerner's Stumble, Peyton's Naked bootleg at Alabama, Draining the Swamp in '01 and watching Fulmer hoist a crystal ball in '98.
As a Tennessee fan, it is my right and duty to disparage every Georgia, Alabama and Florida fan whenever the good Lord gives me an opportunity. But what really puzzles and disappoints me is when I see a father and son who have gone their separate ways in the area of fandom. What went wrong in that house? By God's grace, I plan exercise the admonishment of Proverbs 22:6 with my sons.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
In summary, just like who your daddy likes. It is what the Lord intended.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Until I got into high school, I had never really met anyone that denied having a football team. I'm sure I had, but I never thought about it. It just seemed everyone I knew had a team they were a fan of. My guess as to why college football is so popular in the South dates back to the mid 1800's. When the War of Northern Aggression was launched in 1861, the people of the South set up a Confederate government that hinged upon states rights. This government had many flaws and, in fact, some Southern states even tried to secede from the Confederacy because they believed they were being wronged. The people of the South have immense regional and state pride and I believe it stems from the "Us-versus-Them" mentality that was fostered by the War. Today, people identify with their state/school and this is where I believe the intense "fandom" comes from.
But I digress.
I am a Tennessee fan. I didn't choose the team. I didn't pick them because I came of age in the 90's when they were very dominate. I didn't choose them because they played in the SEC. I didn't pick them because I like the color orange. I follow the University of Tennessee because some of the first games I remember seeing on our TV (that got 12 channels) were Tennessee football games. Those games were on there because my dad turned them on. He was watching them because he always had. He started following them because his Daddy listened to them on the radio in their home when my father was young. My grandfather didn't buy a TV until my dad was in high school. Being a farmer, he never had much time to watch. But when he did the Braves and SEC football games, more importantly UT games, would be tuned into. You see, allegiances are passed down. Inherited. That is just good form.
Teaching and coaching middle school boys, I hear about sports all day. Who won last night, who plays tonight, who likes which team, who hates which team, and who has tickets for this Saturdays game. One thing that I am seeing as a trend is that most student age kids nowadays have multiple "teams" i.e. " Oh, yeah, I watched that game last night. That's my 3rd favorite team!". These ideas are very foreign to me. Isn't the point of having a favorite team stem from the fact that they are your FAVORITE team. I have taken more class time then I should probably admit to correct the error of these adolescents' ways. They will thank me one day.
The fact is, I feel blessed to have the father I did, to have been raised watching football in the Greatest Conference in the Milky Way galaxy and having born witness to things like Stoerner's Stumble, Peyton's Naked bootleg at Alabama, Draining the Swamp in '01 and watching Fulmer hoist a crystal ball in '98.
As a Tennessee fan, it is my right and duty to disparage every Georgia, Alabama and Florida fan whenever the good Lord gives me an opportunity. But what really puzzles and disappoints me is when I see a father and son who have gone their separate ways in the area of fandom. What went wrong in that house? By God's grace, I plan exercise the admonishment of Proverbs 22:6 with my sons.
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
In summary, just like who your daddy likes. It is what the Lord intended.
So let it be written, so let it be done.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
The Most Boring Manifesto on the Relationship Between Geography and Sports Has Been Posted
Full disclosure: this really is boring. I find it fascinating but I know I'm weird. In public I only allow glimpses of my perversions but on the internet I can display it in all of its glory. I'm gay for geography. This post was originally titled "The Big Eight Conference" but I deemed it necessary to warn you. Tread wisely.
I'm a semi-pro geographer. I love places. In my quarter century of existence, I have visited 45 states. I've been to Seattle; Miami; Lost Springs, WY; Muskogee, OK; Los Angeles; Fargo, ND; Campbellsville, KY; Chicago; Ringgold, GA; and New York. I haven't technically been everywhere in the USA, but I'm pretty close. Whenever I decide to head out and am planning my route, I love researching unique locales and off-beat historic sites of interest. While I never have seen any place that claims to be the world's largest ball of twine, I did drag my pregnant wife on a five-day vacation in scenic Oklahoma. Highlights included the Washita Battlefield; Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge; Chattanooga, OK (such a place exists and was a "destination"); and Stockyard City in Oklahoma City. Almost two years later, we're still married. Did I mention it was over Christmas Break and it was freezing?
I am a geography nerd. So much so that I enjoy the Great Plains. This region was dubbed the Great American Desert by the first European explorers to visit it. (Funny how words change meanings, isn't it? "Desert" also used to mean anywhere void of trees." I love the plainness of the plains. Nothing flashy can be found in Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Iowa, or Missouri (save Kansas City and St. Louis.) Calendars in the Great Plains are currently read that it is 1983 which mean that Reagan is still king and skinny jeans have not invaded. The men are men and women are women on the Plains. Original Coors is always on tap somewhere but never on the Lord's Day. A 50 foot gain in elevation can lead you to the highest point in a county and you can see for twenty miles. The people are religious, hard-working, hearty, friendly just like their ancestors who headed west for opportunity and didn't like having next-door-neighbors within a two mile radius. When I visit my second-favorite geographic region, I feel like I am stuck in a Wila Cather story. We hillbillies of Appalachia maintained our unique culture due to years of being cut off from polite society due to tough mountain topography; The people of the plains have been free from city-loving interlopers solely because no one else wants to live there. The summers are too hot, winters are too cold, and the movie theatre is too far away.
These people get each other. When you drive from Nebraska to Missouri to Oklahoma and all points in-between, nothing changes. Everybody here grows corn or raises cattle, you hear talk of wishbone and T-formation offenses, and everyone hates their team's border rival. With that being said, change is slowly creeping in.
When the SEC admitted Arkansas and South Carolina to form the first-ever 12 team super conference, the game changed forever. When the SEC added these teams it gained the ability to play a conference championship game and make more money. Roy Kramer was hailed as a hero in Dixie and a crook everywhere else, especially the state of Texas. South Carolina had been an independent looking for a home in 1991 and chose the SEC over the ACC. Arkansas had been a competitive member of the old Southwest Conference and its leaving was primarily motivated by the University of Texas' misplaced superiority complex. Arkansas AD at the time, Frank Broyles feared that Texas would bolt the SWC for the Pac-10. I don't play the lottery but if I ever do, I will call this man. Arkansas' leaving signaled the end of the Texas-centric SWC. In 1996, the member institutions of the Big Eight, led by Oklahoma, pursued Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, and Baylor and invited them to the Big Eight. The Big Eight soon became the Big XII, the second super conference with a title game. 12 team conferences cannot play round-robin schedules so divisional play is set up. The SEC maintained important rivalries like the Third Saturday in October and the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry with its new divisions. The Big XII did away with yearly meetings between Oklahoma and Nebraska, the marquee rivalry of the Big Eight. The Nebraska-Oklahoma rivalry generally determined who the Big Eight would send to the Orange Bowl every year and the winner usually was among the top teams in the nation in the final AP poll. Now granted, the payout to each school grew in the new Big XII due to the new conference championship game but the magic was gone, never to return. Big Eight conference titles used to signify which state was king of the plains but, with the accompaniment of the BCS, that too had gone out the window. College football had gone from regional sport to national industry.
After years of bickering with Texas and trying to reestablish a yearly contest with Oklahoma, Nebraska packed up the tent and moved in with the Big Ten. Colorado accepted a big to join the Pac-12 with whom it always more closely resembled culturally. Missouri attempted to get an invite to the Big Ten and told the world about it, only to be left waiting for a phone call that never came. Texas flirted with taking the Oklahoma schools and Texas A&M with it to the Pac-12. These moves would have left Iowa State, Missouri, Kansas, and Kansas State in the freezing cold. Texas A&M finally broke free of big brother Texas and joined the SEC and Missouri came along with them. The Big XII decided to bring in old SWC standby TCU and West Virginia. As Bob Dylan sang in the 60s, "oh the times they are a-changin'."
Think of the geography of conference realignment: West Virginia's closest conference "rival" is Iowa State which is a paltry 841 miles away. Missouri is in the same division as Florida. Let that soak in. The state of Texas really is its own geographic region but if a team ever culturally belonged in the SEC, it would be Texas A&M. I take very little umbrage with the Aggies joining the SEC. As a Tennessee fan, I love the idea of Texas A&M hosting Florida the week before the Gators will get beat in Knoxville. As a SEC fan, I enjoy the idea of watching Texas A&M play Alabama, LSU, Arkansas, and others on a regular basis; I like the idea of Missouri challenging Kentucky for conference dominance. (Speaking of Missouri, I really warmed up to them when their fans chanted "ESSS EEEE CEEE" as they won their last ever Big XII basketball championship in Kansasa City.) Colorado and Utah joining the Pac-10 is a non-starter for me. Yes, some Pac-10 teams are good but they don't have real fans who care so neither do I. Gun to my head, I'd like to see a real Mountain West conference with Utah, BYU, Colorado, Boise State, and a few other jokers to round out the conference to 8-12 teams. What I don't like seeing is the simple people of the plains no longer having real geographically-fueled hate to hold on to. Severe topography leads to severe people which leads to severe hate. What will they do with all of this resentment they used to cherish? I would die if Tennessee lost Alabama as a conference-mate. Kansas and Missouri rivalry dates back to the 1850s when Missourians attempted to set the state of Kansas on fire and we will never see this as a yearly-series again.
I've been all over the map literally and figuratively with this post. I could go on further but no one is even reading this now. The Great Plains people, history, sports, geography, and culture are truly an American treasure. Money and Texas killed the Big Eight Conference and all of its regional glory. In memorial, you travel the back roads of the Great Plains. I know where you can get the best hamburger in Cottonwood Falls, KS and know plenty of fascinating places in Nebraska. Class dismissed.
I'm a semi-pro geographer. I love places. In my quarter century of existence, I have visited 45 states. I've been to Seattle; Miami; Lost Springs, WY; Muskogee, OK; Los Angeles; Fargo, ND; Campbellsville, KY; Chicago; Ringgold, GA; and New York. I haven't technically been everywhere in the USA, but I'm pretty close. Whenever I decide to head out and am planning my route, I love researching unique locales and off-beat historic sites of interest. While I never have seen any place that claims to be the world's largest ball of twine, I did drag my pregnant wife on a five-day vacation in scenic Oklahoma. Highlights included the Washita Battlefield; Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge; Chattanooga, OK (such a place exists and was a "destination"); and Stockyard City in Oklahoma City. Almost two years later, we're still married. Did I mention it was over Christmas Break and it was freezing?
 |
| This could be anywhere in Big Eight Country |
I am a geography nerd. So much so that I enjoy the Great Plains. This region was dubbed the Great American Desert by the first European explorers to visit it. (Funny how words change meanings, isn't it? "Desert" also used to mean anywhere void of trees." I love the plainness of the plains. Nothing flashy can be found in Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Iowa, or Missouri (save Kansas City and St. Louis.) Calendars in the Great Plains are currently read that it is 1983 which mean that Reagan is still king and skinny jeans have not invaded. The men are men and women are women on the Plains. Original Coors is always on tap somewhere but never on the Lord's Day. A 50 foot gain in elevation can lead you to the highest point in a county and you can see for twenty miles. The people are religious, hard-working, hearty, friendly just like their ancestors who headed west for opportunity and didn't like having next-door-neighbors within a two mile radius. When I visit my second-favorite geographic region, I feel like I am stuck in a Wila Cather story. We hillbillies of Appalachia maintained our unique culture due to years of being cut off from polite society due to tough mountain topography; The people of the plains have been free from city-loving interlopers solely because no one else wants to live there. The summers are too hot, winters are too cold, and the movie theatre is too far away.
These people get each other. When you drive from Nebraska to Missouri to Oklahoma and all points in-between, nothing changes. Everybody here grows corn or raises cattle, you hear talk of wishbone and T-formation offenses, and everyone hates their team's border rival. With that being said, change is slowly creeping in.
When the SEC admitted Arkansas and South Carolina to form the first-ever 12 team super conference, the game changed forever. When the SEC added these teams it gained the ability to play a conference championship game and make more money. Roy Kramer was hailed as a hero in Dixie and a crook everywhere else, especially the state of Texas. South Carolina had been an independent looking for a home in 1991 and chose the SEC over the ACC. Arkansas had been a competitive member of the old Southwest Conference and its leaving was primarily motivated by the University of Texas' misplaced superiority complex. Arkansas AD at the time, Frank Broyles feared that Texas would bolt the SWC for the Pac-10. I don't play the lottery but if I ever do, I will call this man. Arkansas' leaving signaled the end of the Texas-centric SWC. In 1996, the member institutions of the Big Eight, led by Oklahoma, pursued Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, and Baylor and invited them to the Big Eight. The Big Eight soon became the Big XII, the second super conference with a title game. 12 team conferences cannot play round-robin schedules so divisional play is set up. The SEC maintained important rivalries like the Third Saturday in October and the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry with its new divisions. The Big XII did away with yearly meetings between Oklahoma and Nebraska, the marquee rivalry of the Big Eight. The Nebraska-Oklahoma rivalry generally determined who the Big Eight would send to the Orange Bowl every year and the winner usually was among the top teams in the nation in the final AP poll. Now granted, the payout to each school grew in the new Big XII due to the new conference championship game but the magic was gone, never to return. Big Eight conference titles used to signify which state was king of the plains but, with the accompaniment of the BCS, that too had gone out the window. College football had gone from regional sport to national industry.
After years of bickering with Texas and trying to reestablish a yearly contest with Oklahoma, Nebraska packed up the tent and moved in with the Big Ten. Colorado accepted a big to join the Pac-12 with whom it always more closely resembled culturally. Missouri attempted to get an invite to the Big Ten and told the world about it, only to be left waiting for a phone call that never came. Texas flirted with taking the Oklahoma schools and Texas A&M with it to the Pac-12. These moves would have left Iowa State, Missouri, Kansas, and Kansas State in the freezing cold. Texas A&M finally broke free of big brother Texas and joined the SEC and Missouri came along with them. The Big XII decided to bring in old SWC standby TCU and West Virginia. As Bob Dylan sang in the 60s, "oh the times they are a-changin'."
Think of the geography of conference realignment: West Virginia's closest conference "rival" is Iowa State which is a paltry 841 miles away. Missouri is in the same division as Florida. Let that soak in. The state of Texas really is its own geographic region but if a team ever culturally belonged in the SEC, it would be Texas A&M. I take very little umbrage with the Aggies joining the SEC. As a Tennessee fan, I love the idea of Texas A&M hosting Florida the week before the Gators will get beat in Knoxville. As a SEC fan, I enjoy the idea of watching Texas A&M play Alabama, LSU, Arkansas, and others on a regular basis; I like the idea of Missouri challenging Kentucky for conference dominance. (Speaking of Missouri, I really warmed up to them when their fans chanted "ESSS EEEE CEEE" as they won their last ever Big XII basketball championship in Kansasa City.) Colorado and Utah joining the Pac-10 is a non-starter for me. Yes, some Pac-10 teams are good but they don't have real fans who care so neither do I. Gun to my head, I'd like to see a real Mountain West conference with Utah, BYU, Colorado, Boise State, and a few other jokers to round out the conference to 8-12 teams. What I don't like seeing is the simple people of the plains no longer having real geographically-fueled hate to hold on to. Severe topography leads to severe people which leads to severe hate. What will they do with all of this resentment they used to cherish? I would die if Tennessee lost Alabama as a conference-mate. Kansas and Missouri rivalry dates back to the 1850s when Missourians attempted to set the state of Kansas on fire and we will never see this as a yearly-series again.
 |
| This is what rivalry hate looks like |
I've been all over the map literally and figuratively with this post. I could go on further but no one is even reading this now. The Great Plains people, history, sports, geography, and culture are truly an American treasure. Money and Texas killed the Big Eight Conference and all of its regional glory. In memorial, you travel the back roads of the Great Plains. I know where you can get the best hamburger in Cottonwood Falls, KS and know plenty of fascinating places in Nebraska. Class dismissed.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
XV Points on the XXX Olympiad
Just a few of my thoughts on the Olympics so far:
1. Bob Costas looks exactly the same as he did 15 years ago.
2. Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte could probably swim even faster if their heads weren't so humongous.
3. The woman who does all the swimming interviews is really creepy.
4. NBC commentators can't go 15 minutes without comparing something to the deity like being commonly known as MICHAEL PHELPS.
5. Somehow, I always miss the USA Basketball games; events I'd actually like to watch.
6. All events that have judges and subjective judging need to be done away with. Don't get me wrong, doing gymanstics takes all kinds of athleticism but if its up to someone else to tell you that you win, it's not a sport.
7. Will there ever be an Olympics where no World Records will be set? We shouldn't flood the market with superfluous amounts of greatness.
8. I'm so pleased at how people the world over have still sought to give praise and honor to almighty Zeus ever 4 years.
9. Usain Bolt is kind of fast.
10. Is having a hyphen in your name a prerequisite for being an American female Olympian? i.e. May-Treanor, Walsh-Jennings, Richards-Ross, Joyner-Kersee.
11. Although the U.S. is doing well in the medal count (again) and I love seeing my countryman exercise dominance over the rest of the world, as long as Canada loses a lot, I enjoy myself.
12. Michael Phelps' mother has gotten way too much camera time over the last 3 Olympics. Easy to see where he gets all of this obnoxiousness.
13. I need to see more badminton in primetime
14. I wouldn't mind if someone went and bought me one of those gray Nike USA jackets.
15. I love that the Star Spangled Banner has gotten so much play time in London. I like reminding all those snobby Brits that 199 years ago they couldn't take down Fort McHenry. Thank you, Mr. Key.
So Let it Be Written, So Let it Be Done,
BNOM
1. Bob Costas looks exactly the same as he did 15 years ago.
2. Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte could probably swim even faster if their heads weren't so humongous.
3. The woman who does all the swimming interviews is really creepy.
4. NBC commentators can't go 15 minutes without comparing something to the deity like being commonly known as MICHAEL PHELPS.
5. Somehow, I always miss the USA Basketball games; events I'd actually like to watch.
6. All events that have judges and subjective judging need to be done away with. Don't get me wrong, doing gymanstics takes all kinds of athleticism but if its up to someone else to tell you that you win, it's not a sport.
7. Will there ever be an Olympics where no World Records will be set? We shouldn't flood the market with superfluous amounts of greatness.
8. I'm so pleased at how people the world over have still sought to give praise and honor to almighty Zeus ever 4 years.
9. Usain Bolt is kind of fast.
10. Is having a hyphen in your name a prerequisite for being an American female Olympian? i.e. May-Treanor, Walsh-Jennings, Richards-Ross, Joyner-Kersee.
11. Although the U.S. is doing well in the medal count (again) and I love seeing my countryman exercise dominance over the rest of the world, as long as Canada loses a lot, I enjoy myself.
12. Michael Phelps' mother has gotten way too much camera time over the last 3 Olympics. Easy to see where he gets all of this obnoxiousness.
13. I need to see more badminton in primetime
14. I wouldn't mind if someone went and bought me one of those gray Nike USA jackets.
15. I love that the Star Spangled Banner has gotten so much play time in London. I like reminding all those snobby Brits that 199 years ago they couldn't take down Fort McHenry. Thank you, Mr. Key.
So Let it Be Written, So Let it Be Done,
BNOM
Monday, August 6, 2012
Serena Williams and Other Thoughts
Serena Williams destroyed the Olympic field at Wimbledon this weekend. Ms. Williams capped things off my beating Maria Sharapova 6-0 and 6-1. That is a beatdown on par with the US men's basketball team's dismantling of Nigeria except that Ms. Williams' beatdown was against a higher seed. Let that soak in. Like every other event in Ms. Williams' career, there was controversy. To celebrate Ms. Williams did a little dance know as c-walking aka crip walking. C'mon Serena. Some observers blasted her for disrespecting the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club with this demonstration... they missed the mark. Crip walking is associated with gangs. Why would you associate yourself with such lowlifes? When a reporter asked Ms. Williams the name of the dance, she wouldn't answer and claimed it was inappropriate. Hall of Fame coach Johnny Majors had instructions for his players that scored touchdowns: act like you've been there and will be back. Ms. Williams could serve herself well by heeding Coach Majors' charge.
Finally, this:
The Penn State Board of Trustees had decided to take the NCAA to court over the sanctions imposed regarding the cover up of the Jerry Sandusky situation. I hope Mark Emmert is true to his word and imposes the super death penalty of four years if they pursue this lawsuit. An example has to be made out of Penn State. Athletic programs have to know that the hammer will fall if they let moral transgressions be placated.
Why does everyone assume that Ye Shiwen doped? Can athletes not shatter records without the cloud of steroids hanging over their heads? Or is that just Western athletes?
 |
| Class dismissed. |
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Back Again for the First Time
I’m not a big fan of the Olympics. As a geographer, I
love the geographic aspect of 204 countries competing against one another and as an American exceptionalist, I certainly love
that the United States has a thousand-medal, all-time advantage over the next
closest country. I do find myself enjoying the swimming events primarily for
the commentary of Rowdy Gaines, a true American. I really don’t care who wins
qualifying fencing matches between Somali and Latvia. It does not turn my key to
see women from Saudi Arabia shoot skeet. Generally, I could not give a darn
about what Chinese badminton players do or don’t do. In fact, I had to look the
word up to spell it properly. My interest is piqued by the Olympic badminton cheating
scandal. For those of you who live under a rock but read this new blog,
badminton doubles pairs from Indonesia, South Korea (x2), and the top-seeded
team from China threw matches in order to secure more favorable pairings in the
round-robin tournament. The top-seeded Chinese team stated they threw their
match in order to avoid the second-seeded team, also from China. The IOC
removed all offending teams from completion and kicked them out of the Olympic
Village; kudos to the IOC. These athletes deserve to be thrown out on the curb.
To borrow from the great philosopher Herm Edwards, “YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.”
Former Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis’ mantra was “Just win baby.” My high
school basketball coach put it most politely “Just win and we don’t
have to worry about anything else.” How can these women call themselves
competitors? They are all-stars in the sport of lawyerball, nothing else. You
don’t have to find sneaky ways to succeed if you are truly the best. Champions
take all comers. Mike Tyson circa 1988 would have defended his titles simultaneously against multiple men in the
ring if it had been allowed; Michael Jordan would not let his teammates go to
bed until he beat them in poker; Ricky Bobby would either win or crash-and-burn
trying. If you’re the best, prove it the old-fashioned way. One of the Chinese badminton players has bid adieu to her beloved sport. Billions of Asians care, alas, I do not.
The one and only Herm Edwards
Sidebar: round-robin tournaments stink. Poor format or not, there is never any reason to game the system if you are the best. The Australian Football League has the best playoff structure I have ever seen: AFL Grand Finals Series. Take a few minutes to take it in... Compound that fact with this: if there is a tie in regulation of the championship game, they replay the championship the next week. Imagine if that was the rule for Super Bowls. Class dismissed.
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