Soccer

This got on my nerves

I don't hate soccer. I grew up loving it. It was probably my second favorite sport after basketball. Growing up, Cobi Jones, Eric Wynalda, Tony Meola, Alexi Lalas, and Brian McBride were heroes. I remember watching any friendly game I could on ABC and hoping in futility that my dad would flip soccer on the main TV. When we would go to the library on Saturdays I would spend my allotted internet time (Stone Age stuff I know) looking up the MLS team sites. As I grew older, my soccer interest waned as my interest in the finer things in life (football, women, and football) increased.

I'd say my souring on soccer came to a head when I played soccer my senior year in high school. I had a basketball hangover and wanted to squeeze every last drop out of my senior year so I went out for soccer. I had played a lot growing up and was invited to try out for the high school team as an eighth grader but forsake the game for four years. My coach was a former semi-pro soccer Cuban defector. His English wasn't the best and he used words like "pace" and "pitch" that I didn't understand. How was I supposed to put pace on the ball? Did I need to make sure that the ball stayed at a constant speed? How does one go about that? Did I need to sprinkle some salsa on the ball? What would that accomplish? I figured out that meant to kick the ball hard. Why didn't he say that? Why didn't he tell me to put some mustard on the ball? This coach was a masterful tactician and a horrible person. He berated and mocked his players and directed most of his energies, both positive and negative, towards his son. It was a horrible situation. We had a good season but I was glad when it ended.

Fast forward to 7/29/14. The World Cup is over, thank God. Seriously, thank God. I enjoy watching the United States play and will occasionally watch a game without the US but I cannot stand soccer fandom. Stop calling the field the pitch. Stop using the British version of "be" usage (i.e. The English team "are"). Stop calling the games matches. Matches are little sticks that create fire or indicate a combat sports bout.

The coup de grâce is definitely calling soccer "football". We live in America, football is football and soccer is soccer. This isn't an American problem, in Canada "football" means their version of gridiron football. In Australia, "football" means Australian football. In America, "football" means football. I recently read an entry in Der Spiegel that stated that as the word "soccer" has been on an upswing in American print media over the last 30 years, the word is on a downswing in the United Kingdom during the same period. Brits have taken offense at the Americanization of soccer and have stopped using the word. To those soccer fans out there that insist on me calling soccer "football", should I also refer to my truck as a lorry? Do I need to call my Oreos "biscuits"? No, no one suggests that.

Back to the original Facebook post that spurred this blog post. Saturday Night in the South is a sacred time reserved for the 2nd biggest SEC game of the day, not a soccer game. I am proud of the CFC making it to the national finals of their tier of the North American soccer pyramid. 9,000 people attended the semifinal game, yet you constantly hear that soccer is swiftly taking over the American sports landscape. Horsefeathers. In the same stadium, the hapless UTC Mocs averaged 9,900+ this past season. The Mocs are horrible. They've always been horrible. They have almost no following to speak of, no large student presence, yet they pull 9,000+ for trash games. As no one stat tells the story, we need to look at the MLS. For all the touting of MLS attendance figures, the league is not a freight train gaining steam. I constantly see soccer fans online bash the NHL, NBA, and MLB and say that the MLS is averaging more fans per game. Well, duh. When you play fewer games and offer tickets at half the price of your counterparts, of course you will average more fans. This blog post explains it better than I ever could.

The bottom line for me is, hey man, you like soccer? Cool, no need to attack other sports. As for soccer taking over America, stop trying to make it happen and enjoy your game.