Soccer

This got on my nerves

I don't hate soccer. I grew up loving it. It was probably my second favorite sport after basketball. Growing up, Cobi Jones, Eric Wynalda, Tony Meola, Alexi Lalas, and Brian McBride were heroes. I remember watching any friendly game I could on ABC and hoping in futility that my dad would flip soccer on the main TV. When we would go to the library on Saturdays I would spend my allotted internet time (Stone Age stuff I know) looking up the MLS team sites. As I grew older, my soccer interest waned as my interest in the finer things in life (football, women, and football) increased.

I'd say my souring on soccer came to a head when I played soccer my senior year in high school. I had a basketball hangover and wanted to squeeze every last drop out of my senior year so I went out for soccer. I had played a lot growing up and was invited to try out for the high school team as an eighth grader but forsake the game for four years. My coach was a former semi-pro soccer Cuban defector. His English wasn't the best and he used words like "pace" and "pitch" that I didn't understand. How was I supposed to put pace on the ball? Did I need to make sure that the ball stayed at a constant speed? How does one go about that? Did I need to sprinkle some salsa on the ball? What would that accomplish? I figured out that meant to kick the ball hard. Why didn't he say that? Why didn't he tell me to put some mustard on the ball? This coach was a masterful tactician and a horrible person. He berated and mocked his players and directed most of his energies, both positive and negative, towards his son. It was a horrible situation. We had a good season but I was glad when it ended.

Fast forward to 7/29/14. The World Cup is over, thank God. Seriously, thank God. I enjoy watching the United States play and will occasionally watch a game without the US but I cannot stand soccer fandom. Stop calling the field the pitch. Stop using the British version of "be" usage (i.e. The English team "are"). Stop calling the games matches. Matches are little sticks that create fire or indicate a combat sports bout.

The coup de grâce is definitely calling soccer "football". We live in America, football is football and soccer is soccer. This isn't an American problem, in Canada "football" means their version of gridiron football. In Australia, "football" means Australian football. In America, "football" means football. I recently read an entry in Der Spiegel that stated that as the word "soccer" has been on an upswing in American print media over the last 30 years, the word is on a downswing in the United Kingdom during the same period. Brits have taken offense at the Americanization of soccer and have stopped using the word. To those soccer fans out there that insist on me calling soccer "football", should I also refer to my truck as a lorry? Do I need to call my Oreos "biscuits"? No, no one suggests that.

Back to the original Facebook post that spurred this blog post. Saturday Night in the South is a sacred time reserved for the 2nd biggest SEC game of the day, not a soccer game. I am proud of the CFC making it to the national finals of their tier of the North American soccer pyramid. 9,000 people attended the semifinal game, yet you constantly hear that soccer is swiftly taking over the American sports landscape. Horsefeathers. In the same stadium, the hapless UTC Mocs averaged 9,900+ this past season. The Mocs are horrible. They've always been horrible. They have almost no following to speak of, no large student presence, yet they pull 9,000+ for trash games. As no one stat tells the story, we need to look at the MLS. For all the touting of MLS attendance figures, the league is not a freight train gaining steam. I constantly see soccer fans online bash the NHL, NBA, and MLB and say that the MLS is averaging more fans per game. Well, duh. When you play fewer games and offer tickets at half the price of your counterparts, of course you will average more fans. This blog post explains it better than I ever could.

The bottom line for me is, hey man, you like soccer? Cool, no need to attack other sports. As for soccer taking over America, stop trying to make it happen and enjoy your game.

Trends

I remember 11 years ago (am I that old), asking a friend of mine who was into the indie music scene if he had heard of a band called the Hives. He indicated that he had and used to like them until they got onto MTV and became mainstream. I didn't understand the logic used to no longer enjoy this song or the fun video.

Fast forward to last week. I asked a friend about the Mumford & Sons "hiatus". He indicated that he didn't follow that band anymore or the Lumineers because their sound had been copied across a wide assortment of genres and musical acts. I didn't understand that logic either.

I like what I like and don't really care what you like. I like Jesus, my family, my friends, the Tennessee Vols, Atlanta Braves, Dale Earnhardt Sr., Moutain Dew, classic rock, classic country music, 90s rock, 90s country, The Office, Scrubs, Life is Beautiful, The Natural, hot wings, fried food, summer, and running shoes. My guilty pleasures include professional wrestling (not just the WWE, I follow promotions that operate in high school gyms and draw 200 people), Creed, Daria, and the Great Plains. I don't care what you think about my likes no more than I care that you enjoy cutting grass, watching So You Think You Can Dance?, or listening to Barry Manilow. What difference does it make what I like and what you like? If you look at pictures of me from high school, my fashion sense hasn't changed. I still like t-shirt of my favorite sports teams, I still wear running shoes 90% of the time, and I still don't prefer polo shirts. What's that you say? You only wear polo shirts? Cool. I don't care.

As The Skillet once told me, "You do you, and I'll do me." When I first heard this, I thought it was a thinly veiled masturbation statement before I realized it meant "Let's both mind our own business." Agreed. Like what you want, and forget what people around you are doing.

Southern Living

I recently had a night out with my in-laws and we went to Tupelo Honey Cafe. THC is supposed to be THE new Southern restaurant, a blend of down-home cooking and class. I was pretty excited but was quickly disappointed when I perused the menu online.

"Grateful Dead Black Bean Burger"

• A Veggie burger named for hippies?

"Southern Fried Chicken Saltimbocca with Country Ham and Mushroom Marsala"

• The greatest insult. "Fried Chicken" isn't on the menu but this is.

"Seasoned Salsa Verde Black-Eyed Peas and Goat Cheese Grits topped with two over medium eggs, two maple peppered bacon strips, cheddar cheese and Sunshot Salsa (substitute one soysage for bacon)"

• Soysage? Goat Cheese?

This is not the South. A Southern menu has fried chicken, chicken fried steak, a regular burger, plain, mayo-based cole slaw, and cheese from a cow. Tupelo Honey Cafe is a hipster's version of what it takes to make the South palatable, not a Southern restaurant.

Currently on Southern Living's recipe section of the website, they have steak recipes posted. The top recipe is coffee rubbed skirt steak.The second recipe is seared steak with potato-artichoke heart hash. I don't need to continue. You know what's a good steak recipe? Steak. You know what goes well with it? Potatoes, baked or fried. No artichoke, no need for you to rub coffee on it. I also see corn recipes on this site. You know what kinds of corn are good? On the cob, off the cob, and in a pudding.

What's happened to my South? Sweet tea, fried anything, and sports (preferably football.)

Nostalgia

Who likes reminiscing about the old days? I do too. I was recently cleaning out a closet and found my old CD collection. I soon found myself listening to "Dolphin's Cry" by Live in my living room. Though the doors were locked and the windows close, I'm sure all my neighbors heard my jam session. I probably listened to this song six times. This song was released when I was in middle school and when I heard it Live quickly became one of my favorite bands. "Lakini's Juice", "Selling the Drama", "I Alone", "Lightning Crashes" all world-rocking songs to 14 year old Jubal Foster. Later in the same day I found this video on the YouTube. I probably have watched this video 10 times in the past month and have only listened to Creed on my iPhone since. (This is a lie, I downloaded "As Tears Go By" last week. Wow, beautiful song.) What a great WWF highlight video. The early 2000s was the best era for the WWF. Such talent, great stories. If professional wrestling isn't enough of a guilty pleasure, my wife and I binge watched Dawson's Creek this summer. I love that show, always have. This wasn't my first foray into Capeside, I originally watched this show every weekday morning on TBS the summer before my senior year. I still got infuriated with Dawson for not making a move on Joey. I watched to punch Pacey with the same vigor as I did a decade ago when he made moves on Joey.

Anything that harkens back to the mid 90s to mid 00s, I eat it up. Friends, Seinfeld, ER? Definitely. I still watch the horrible NBC Thursday night lineup out of a misappropriated fealty. This song? Downloaded. Memorized. Most watched show on my Amazon VOD account? Daria. I have it bad. While I think the "Only 90s kids will remember" posts on Facebook are vapid, I identify with all of them.

Why do we look away to old times? And we definitely do look back to old times. Films like Dazed and Confused will always capture our attention and we will always identify with them. I've never been drunk, taken any illegal drugs, had sex contact outside marriage, or even played football but darn it, I see myself in Jeremy London in that film and you do too. Conventional wisdom will tell you that the old days were better times. When these claims are examined, this simply isn't true. Crime keeps falling, teen pregnancy is dropping, drugs use is falling, our air and water are the cleanest that they have ever been measured. For me, I believe that the old days are better in my mind because, in my mind they are. Let me explain. When I was 14, raw dog, hot dog, and chili dog were various ways of eating mechanically separated pork parts squeezed into a synthetic case not sex acts. I knew nothing of the Rape of Nanking, the Wounded Knee Massacre, the Darfur Crisis. I had never dumped a girlfriend nor been dumped by a girlfriend. In short, I wasn't jaded. Life wasn't hard, everything was good. I was becoming a man and passions were being awakened without the adulthood threats of employment, financial responsibility, or personal status. Appropriately (for this post) Creed's "Never Die" tackles this issue. We abandon our youth because we forget how to be a child. I cannot go back an unlearn what female genital mutilation is. I can't unsee Baghdadi children born with horrifying birth defects. I can't unhear Steve Winget mentioning beastiality in chapel my sophomore year of high school and frankly, I don't want to forget it, that was one of the truly funny moments of my life. Thanks for hitting the tough issues that 2002's teens are facing Mr. Winget.

The only moral you should ever take away from my porch time banter is to buy my white lightning by the jugful but if I could make one suggestion, guard your eyes and thoughts. The older I get, the more I can oblige someone when they say "You don't want to know." We'll never be kids again, but we should try.

I'm the Exception to the Rule

Hello friends. I was recently browsing the internet and I found this meme and totally agreed with the content. Those of you who know me know that I brew the finest mountain dew in Mayberry. I also enjoy the cold, Knoxville born refreshment known as Mountain Dew. I drink it like it is going out of style. When I venture into society and see people drinking Mountain Dew, all I see are troglodytes, hillbillies, and other forms of mouth breathers. No one I know that is a regular drinker of Mountain Dew has a life worthy of emulation. I'd venture to say that no regular Mountain Dew drinkers I know have a life worthy of examination. Except me.

I like pro wrestling. Love it; the athleticism, the pageantry, the drama, the competition, the story telling. I love riding the emotional roller coaster with my favorite wrestlers. You know what I hate? The other fans. I'm not like them. I am an adult with a respectable job, good family, home not a booger-eating moron who buys wrestling toys. Okay, I have two... and a shirt my brother bought me... and I pay $10 a month for the WWE Network. Don't lump me in with those people, because obviously I'm not one of them.

I went to Olive Garden tonight. If you've never noticed, Olive Garden shares the same clientele with Walmart. Sure, there are affluent soccer moms and businessmen in suits but Oliver Garden is mostly sweathogs. I'll tell you about three tables I saw tonight. The first was a mother and daughter. Mom complained about her bill but paid. As they were leaving, mom grabbed the daughter's togo fruit punch, pour her glass of white wine in, and started drinking it as they left. Nothing else needs to be said about that. The second table I notice was two very overweight people. They alternated between English and some other language I couldn't make out, which I should have because they were speaking so loudly. The man had an alcoholic drink with whip cream in the top of conical glass. The woman has a watermelon martini. Classy. The man put in his iPhone headphones halfway through his meal and continued to talk to his wife. He then got a call and listened through the headphones but kept holding his mouth to the phone, to the microphone on the headphone cord. The last table consisted of a handsome couple. The man took his breadstick and wiped up the salad dressing. After eating the breadstick he discreetly licked his fingers to get the garlic salt. He picked the tomato, olive, and pepperoncini out of the salad by hand straight from the bowl. His entree was chicken parmigiana, also known as Italian fried chicken. Typical sweathog.

I am that last man at Olive Garden. You are too, maybe not at Olive Garden, maybe you're not a wrestling fan, maybe you don't drink Mountain Dew, but you are a regular cuss just like the rest of us. We all think we're the exception to the rule. We're all of above average intelligence, looks, driving ability, penis size, personality... A recent study found that 93% of teenage drivers feel that their driving is "above average". You can call it the Lake Wobegon effect, illusory superiority, whatever you will. Day-to-day, I view myself pretty highly but it isn't until I sit back and think that I tear myself down to sweathog levels. What I need to do is stop viewing a lack of sophistication is a negative thing. I know how to listen to classical musical, it just isn't my cup of tea. Does that make me a fat redneck? No. I can quote from Shakespeare and Dusty Rhodes. I have read Atlas Shrugged and the Fantastic Four. I DVR the American Experience and Bob's Burgers. I'm the exception to the rule.

Porchtime With Jubal

I like to think of myself as a civil servant that happens to also be a small business owner. I provide the denizens of the Mayberry-Mount Pilot Metroplex with liquid spirits so that they may pursue endeavors without the burdens of the middle class struggle. Do you think that Otis Campbell could go home to that battle ax of a wife without my help? Without me, Sheriff Taylor wouldn't have a reason to lock him up and he'd be stuck at home. You're welcome Mayberry-Mount Pilot Metroplex.With that being said, I think I might have chosen the wrong profession.

I went to the county courthouse with aspirations of positively adding to a custody hearing. I was a character witness for a father that was representing himself. This man did not know how to lawyer ("lawyer" can be used as a verb, look it up). He was attempting to testify while cross examining his wife he asked leading questions, hypothetical questions, made statements, and argued with his ex-wife. The opposing lawyer continually objected to these questions and statements and the judge consistently sustained them. After an hour, roughly 15 sustained objections, and three "last warnings", the judge declared the cross examination over, adjourned for the day, and stomped out. The judge gave no reasoning why every objection was sustained though he did display his disdain. His disdain grew with each objection until he finally stomped out. It was a tantrum fit for a five year old or an entitled old man.

My issue was not with the arrogant lawyer defending a mother who left her large family to defile her marriage bed with a man she met on Facebook and is now trying to cram 10 people in a three-bedroom doublewide, though that does draw my ire. My issue is that this father's representation of himself proved not to be a stumbling block but instead a tombstone. If the case were judged by us peasants, the father would win by TKO. Instead, the patrician class makes us play their game, without telling us the rules, and later decides not between right and wrong but instead who played the game at a superior level. This is wrong; this is America. Article One, Section Nine, Clause Eight of the US Constitution states: nobody is better than anyone else in America and people who act as such should be castrated. This applies to judges who recognize an emotional father fighting for his kids and won't take five seconds to explain you can't testify during a cross examination and you can't create hypothetical situations and demand answers. If the judge had done so, the case could have proceeded whereas it now stands that the obvious winner might lose due to not having his juris doctorate. This is wrong; this is America.

Today made me think long and hard about my chosen profession. I know I could make a good lawyer without continually playing lawyerball. I hope I have chosen the correct route of service for my life. Drink up Mayberry-Mount Pilot Metroplex.

Things Rooster Hates on April 9th, 2013 A.D.

I hate:

-People who are not self aware.  Please, just use your brain a little before you open your mouth.

-Making the same mistake twice (or eleven, twelve or thirteen times.)

-Losing.

-That football season is still 4 months away.

-When most women open their mouth.

-The B1G

-not being in control.

-not always being thankful for everything I have.

-stupid abbreviations for words i.e. "vaykay", "presh", and "The Noog"

-when the Braves don't have the best record in baseball.  Oh wait...



So let it be written, so let it be done.

Guns and Butter

Actually, no butter. If you're wondering why I mentioned butter, read this.

Guns. Guns conjure up many different notions to many different people. Let's look at some statements on guns:


"All political power comes from the barrel of a gun. The communist party must command all the guns, that way, no guns can ever be used to command the party."
― Mao Tse Tung
”Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples’ liberty’s teeth.”
― George Washington
“You don't spread democracy with a barrel of a gun.” 
― Helen Thomas

"God made all men, but Samuel Colt made all men equal."― Colt Manufacturing Company marketing slogan

"If I could have banned them all - 'Mr. and Mrs. America turn in your guns' - I would have!"― Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-CA

"I don't care if you want to hunt, I don't care if you think it's your right. I say 'Sorry.' it's 1999. We have had enough as a nation. You are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun I think you should go to prison."
― Rosie O'Donnell

"The guns and bombs, the rockets and the warships, all are symbols of human failure"― Lyndon Johnson

"Banning guns is an idea whose time has come." 

― Joseph Biden

”By calling attention to ‘a well regulated militia,’ ‘the security of the nation,’ and the right of each citizen ‘to keep and bear arms,’ our founding fathers recognized the essentially civilian nature of our economy… The Second Amendment still remains an important declaration of our basic civilian-military relationships in which every citizen must be ready to participate in the defense of his country. For that reason I believe the Second Amendment will always be important.”

― John F. Kennedy


Newtown, CT. Aurora, CO. Columbine, CO. These cities have the specter of gun crimes and loss of innocent life. What happened in those cities is horrendous. What also happened there is an abberation and not the fault of guns. Guns don't kill people. Never have, never will. People kill people.


Where would we be without guns? The United States gained independence via the words of the Founding Fathers and the deeds of the Continental Army. The Second Amendment ensures that Americans will always be able to defend themselves from tyranny whether it be from home invaders, foreign invaders, or our own tyrannical government. The framers of the 2nd Amendment knew the people had to be well armed to repel tyranny. The 2nd Amendment does not state that citizens shouldn't be evenly match with the government. Those that owned muskets in 1791 were evenly matched with the government.


This is a rambling post but I don't care. I am afraid of the thought of United States citizens having equal firepower to the military. I am more afraid no citizens having equal firepower to the military.


Live free or die.

My South

My South is mommas and daddys
My South is SEC football
In my South, the King is still king
My South is fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and sweet tea
In my South Andy Taylor is the sheriff and Ben Matlock is your lawyer
In my South men open doors for women and women are ladies
My South has long, hot summers
My South has a million different names for grandmothers and grandfathers
In my South respect to elders is taught through modeling and a belt

Tough Guise

I recently had a discussion with a friend about the new Lincoln movie. They told me it was good. I responded with "Oh, so it was science fiction." The topic then shifted to Lincoln's real life and my friend mentioned that she had heard a theory that Abraham Lincoln was gay. The majority of these theories center around the fact that Honest Abe was known to share a bed with other men. What a stupid premise on which to base a theory. Same-sex bed sharing was quite common in the 19th century due to the lack of affordable lodging. John Wayne is the only cowboy who wasn't sharing a room with only man in the local saloon/inn. Working men who hadn't settled a homestead stayed in hotel rooms with eight to 10 other fellows. The lucky ones slept in the bed. Another facet of the homosexual Lincoln theory is that he write letters back and forth with dear male friends. People have also attempted to make Jesus gay and John his lover. Ugh.

Why does our over-sexed society wish to label people who have great same-sex friendships as gay? Why do guys have to preface comments with "no homo"? Why do men have to put up walls and act tough? I don't have a lot to say about this subject other than it gets on my nerves. Jesus wasn't gay, neither was Abraham Lincoln. Both just knew what it was like to have a great man that cares for you.

Rooster Cogburn's Coaching Candidates

As you already know, the University of Tennessee just fired Dwreck Derek Fooley Doolander Dooley after 3 years on the job.  His tenure was marked with growth off the field (VFL program, not recruiting thugs, getting players academically eligible) and tremendous decline on the field (4-20 in the SEC, 8 straight SEC loses, never beating Georgia, Florida or Alabama, losing Vanderbilt and Kentucky in back to back seasons, I could go on but....)  In short, a change was needed.  In a big way.  Winning seems like a distant memory. 

If given the opportunity, I would gladly perform the coaching search.  For free.  Because I'm a good guy.  In fact, I've already got a few men in mind that I believe would have immediately success.  Men with proven track records.  Men that get results.  Here are the top 5:

1.  Vince Lombardi--I mean, c'mon!  He has a trophy named after him!  He'd be perfect!
2.  Davy Crockett--loves Tennessee, doesn't go down without a fight.  I believe he could make a killing out on the (recruiting) trail.
3.  Ronald Reagan--great leader, great American, economical, takes no BS, played college football. 
4.  John Wooden--10 NCAA titles.  Sounds like a winner to me.
5.  General Neyland--bringing back a former coach seems to be a hot trend.  Kansas State did it and they are having great success. 

What's that you say?  All these guys are dead!? Oh.  Ok, I'll keep looking.  Here are the candidates to stay away from.

1.  Jim Mora--he thinks you should never talk about the playoffs.  And with BCS playoffs being instituted this it would put us behind the 8 ball.
2.  Anyone named Kiffin.  Not because one of them is really, really old and the other is a DB.  I just don't like that name. 
3.  Peyton Manning--Because he still has 4 more Super Bowls to win.
4.  Erwin Rommel--for obvious reasons
5.  Barbara Dooley--because that just might be kinda awkward. 


So let it be written, so let it be done.

"Real Men Don't" for 10/23/12

It has been too long.  Feel free to welcome me back to the blogosphere by some sort of monetary donation.  Here we go.

Real Men Don't....

...Cheer for the American League in the Fall Classic.  Real baseball is played in the NL.
...shirk their responsibility to vote.  November 6th, Americans.  Do it.
...turn their back on their team when they are struggling. 
...play video games.  Come on, dude.
...turn their back on good traditions.
..."lay up" on the golf course.  "The Skillet" can back me up on this.
...turn off Andy Griffith Show reruns. 
...not know how to change tires, string a fishing pole, load a gun and use the grill.
...objectify women, neglect their family and ignore their children.
...tolerate badly brewed unsweet tea.
...post excessively on blogs.  I guess I have that one covered.


So let it be written, so let it be done.

SOCON FOOTBALL POWER RANKINGS (Through Week 6)
1. Wofford College Terriers 5-0 (3-0), Next Opponent: @ Georgia Southern

2. Georgia Southern Eagles 4-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Wofford

3. Appalachian State Mountaineers 4-2 (2-1), Next Opponent: @ Samford

4. Samford Bulldogs 5-1 (3-1), Next Opponent: Appalachian State

5. Citadel Bulldogs 2-3 (2-2), Next Opponent: Western Carolina

6. Furman Paladins 2-4 (1-2) Next Opponent: Chattanooga

7. Chattanooga Mocs 2-3 (1-1) Next Opponent: @ Furman

8. Elon Phoenix 2-4 (0-3) Next Opponent: BYE

9. Western Carolina Catamounts 1-5 (0-4) Next Opponent: @ Citadel

Folks, we have a huge upcoming week for Southern Conference football. Wofford College travels to Paulson Stadium in Statesboro to face off against recent bitter rival Georgia Southern. Appalachian State faces one loss Samford, both teams seem ready to prove they are serious title contenders. Finally, we have Chattanooga fighting for their lives to save the young disappointing season and stay in the mix against Furman. Furman is ahead of Chattanooga currently in the power rankings due to Chattanooga's poor offense and Furman losing multiple games to quality opponents. The Citadel, after starting the season surprising Georgia Southern at home and blowing out the Mountaineers in Boone, seem to quickly be running out of gas. Go Check out your local team this Weekend.

The B1G is terrible

...and so is every other conference besides the SEC.

Big Ten
Hapless Penn State wasted Northwestern today and knocked them out of the Top 25. Nebraska will probably be knocked out of the Top 25 after losing to Ohio State. Ohio State is the best Big Tenlevenvle team (and likely will be the only ranked team come tomorrow) but is not eligible for the post season. The rest of the Big Ten is garbage and I won't even discuss them. I cannot wait until Bowl Season when the B1G looks even worse. Lee Corso (this is the last time I will ever reference this "man") said last week that the B1G should do an 11-game round robin and each team should play one OOC game against an FCS team so  it isn't as obvious how weak the B1G is. There are a slew of reasons why this is happening and the armchair economist in me says that the decline of the Rust Belt plays a bigger part in the decline in the B1G than anyone wants to mention. If you were to ask Colin Cowherd, he would tell you that there are more "babydolls" and the weather is better in California and the South and that is why the players and coaches emigrate out of the Rust Belt.

The ACC
Clemson tried to grab the brass ring but EJ pulled it out of reach last week. Clemson will host South Carolina to end their regular season which will end their BCS hopes. Clemson isn't the answer.

Florida State is looking good but plays at Miami, at VA Tech (read this "Va Tech", don't say "Virgina Tech" in your head), and at Maryland. None of these teams are spectacular but methinks they will lose one of these games. They will end their regular season hosting Florida who will end their BCS NCG hopes if one of the aforementioned teams don't beat the Gators to it. Free Shoes U isn't the answer. UPDATE: FSU loses to NC State 17-16. How good is Tennessee?

Virginia Tech. Traditional ACC power Virginia Teach. Wow, what a season Frank Beamer is having. Their loss to Pittsburgh was crippling. Pitt had lost two weeks prior to Youngstown State which is a respectable FCS team. Last week VA Tech lost to Cincinnati. Ouch. This week they lost to basketball school UNC. I can imagine that the pitchfork and torch crowd is assembling in Blacksburg, VA.

Big XII
This isn't football but featured the best thing going in the Big XII.

Vintage Bob Stoops.

JF's prediction: Bob Stoops will take his team to play in the 2013 Bob Stoops Invitational.

Big East
This commercial was originally about Big East football but TMIMITW didn't like picking on the less fortunate.

PAC-12
LSU smothered Washington 41-3. Two weeks later Washington beat #8 Stanford 17-13. During the game Jesse Palmer said that Washington had a "SEC-caliber defense." LSU has a bad SEC offense. Am I missing something?

USC was supposed to be the team to finally take down the SEC but haven't looked remarkable all season.

Oregon is good but still has USC, Washingon, Oregon State, and the PAC-12 CG on tap. I think it is safe to say that they lose one of those contests.

Notre Dame
The Irish are looking good but have to play USC, Stanford, and Oklahoma. Gone are the days of my childhood when Notre Dame ate cupcakes every weekend on NBC. I'd love to see Notre Dame make it to the BCS NCG and face <insert random elite SEC team here>.

SEC
Wow. Wow. Wow.

We can divide the conference into five levels

Alabama - Alabama. (I don't even need to say "'Nuff said.")

The Big Boys - Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, LSU. These guys can scare Alabama before losing. They can beat one another and should beat all the underlings of the conference. Yes, Florida is back.

Not Ready for Primetime Players - Tennessee and Mississippi State. Up and coming teams. Good enough to compete with anyone but not ready for the SEC CG. Tennessee beat NC State handily. Florida's win over LSU makes the Florida loss look better but Georgia's loss to Sakerlina makes the Vols look worse. Can comparative scoring ever be trusted? Yes, when it benefits your team.

Hoping for a Bowl - Auburn, Texas A&M, Vanderbilt, Missouri, Ole Miss. Ole Miss is the only team happy to be at this level. Vanderbilt thought that their Thursday night home opener against the Gamecocks was going to be their coming out party. Missouri and A&M said all summer that they didn't take kindly to the notion that they wouldn't immediately compete in the SEC. I wouldn't have taken kindly to it either but it doesn't make it any less true. Gene Chizik will be fired at the end of the season if he has a losing record.

Kentucky - Kentucky and Arkansas. Do we need details?


Class dismissed, enjoy Fall Break.

Long Time No See

Wednesday's Presidential debate was the highest rated presidential debate since the Gipper vs the Peanut Farmer. 67 million Americans skipped church and watched Willard Mitt Romney take President Obama to the woodshed. President Obama's lackluster performance has been blamed on altitude, marijuana, and John Kerry among other things. Basically his debate loss has been blamed on everything but Mitt Romney being a better debater.

President Obama and George W. Bush couldn't be more different when it comes to how they project themselves in public: Bush was folksy, corny, unpolished, an inept; Obama is calm, cool, collected, and wise (except when is isn't..) Obama doesn't go anywhere without a teleprompter and Bush rarely used one. Does that make Bush genuine and Obama fake or does it mean Obama is smart and Bush is dumb? Doesn't matter. In debates, you can't be aided by a teleprompter. Candidates study for days because on the stage all they have is their wits. Plainly stated, Romney outwitted Obama. Who could have guessed this? Jubal Foster.

My pre-debate prediction (which I shared with friends off-line) hinged on Romney's Mormon faith. I am not a Mormon but they do a few things well. They understand the importance of piety, family, faith, and community. One of the things I most admire Mormons for is how they conduct their services. They have no vocational pastors, only elected officials that guide services and their ward (church body). The LDS church has ward zones (think public school zoning) that show Mormons where they must attend. The ward comes together to make decisions and take care of one another. How did I get this far off topic? I need to do another post about Mormons. Anyway, Mormons don't have pastors like protestants do. Each church member is required to give a talk when called upon by their bishop. Some topics are assigned, other times topics are at the discretion of the speaker. Church members are required to give talks in church starting in middle school. Mitt Romney also served a two-year missionary trip where he tried to sell the LDS church on people 24/7/365 x2. Mitt Romney's Mormon upbringing gives him a natural advantage in public speaking and debating.

Mitt Romney was better prepared for the debate and, in turn, won the debate due to his lifetime of public speaking whereas President Obama has crippled himself with his constant use of a teleprompter.

Team Obama Excuses
Smoking weed: maybe but highly doubtful.
Altitude sickness: seriously? Probably the hardest reaching excuse I've seen.
Something else on his mind: could it have been this?
John Kerry: we've known for a long time that President Obama is a stone cold narcissist and can't take people bringing up shortcomings of his administration.

Debates are dog and pony shows. I enjoy them as entertainment only. Will Mitt Romney's debate skills save the economy? Bring peace in the Middle East? Curb government corruption? Nope. The post-debate polls have been great for Romney but debates shouldn't be how you decide your vote. Look at the issues, not the debates. I'd rather have a 400 lb president with a rat-tail that stutters with good political positions than having someone that is as handsome as Robert Redford and is as eloquent as Brent Musberger. Did I just say Robert Redford was handsome? Yes I did. Class dismissed.

Jubal Foster's Week Two SEC Picks

Auburn over Mississippi State in a close one. Chizik is 16-11 without quarterbacks named Cam Newton. The seat will warm up this season and will officially be hot if he loses this one.

South Carolina over East Carolina. No contest.

Florida over Texas A&M in a pillow fight.

Alabama over Western Kentucky in a no-contest

Tennessee over Georgia State. The 10 runs after five innings rule will be applied.

UTEP over Ole Miss.

Arkansas drubs ULL-Monroe.

LSU kills Washington and makes them stop using the purple-gold combination.

Kentucky beats Kent State by a touchdown. Joker Phillips submits his resume to Kent State officials at halftime anyway.

Vanderbilt over Northwestern in the pregame quiz bowl and later in the football contest that no one cares about.

Missouri over Georgia. Yup. Read it twice.

SEC WEEK ONE PICKS

Tennessee  vs. North Carolina state- Vols roll.  Rocky Top will leave Atlanta happy.

Buffalo at Georgia-Georgia will take care of Buffalo easily.  

Bowling Green  at Florida-Florida will handle Bowling Green.  Hopefully they can figure out a quarterback in the process.

Central Arkansas at Ole Miss-Rebels

Jacksonville State at Arkansas-Arkansas

Jackson State at Mississippi State-Mississippi State will take the easy ones while they last.

North Texas at LSU- No need for a badger in this game. LSU

Southeastern Louisiana at Missouri-Missouri knows they need to win the easy ones to have some confidence before facing Georgia.

Auburn at Clemson-This should be a great game.  When its close I always go with the SEC team, Auburn wins close.

Michigan vs. Alabama-This will be closer than you think. Alabama wins.

Kentucky at Louisville-Please Kentucky don’t drop the ball.  UK wins close.

Did you know?

Football is back

"Real Men Don't" for 8/29/12

Periodically, the Brand New Old Man will enlighten the general public with rules for the red-blooded American male.  Feel free to live by these if you don't want to live a life void of all tact, class and manliness.

Real Men Don't...
-wear skinny jeans.
-say things like "There's too much cheese on this dish".
-watch Glee. For any reason.
-text things like LOL, ;-), or OMG.
-call a lawn service.
-use hair conditioner.
-say things like "There is too much meat on my plate".
-shirk their responsibility to vote
-switch team allegiances
-let their wives/girlfriends/mothers/sisters/any female open their own door.
-cry while there is another human being within 4 miles.  (There are addendums to this rule but that will have to be another post.)
-let a woman pay on a date.
-wear TOMS.  Ever.
-hit women.  You freaking coward.
-watch the 3rd strike.
-accept passivity.


So let it be written, so let it be done.

BNOM

Be Assertive, Mitt!

                       The Presidential election is now only 72 days away. After following the entire campaign intently up to the convention, I am still waiting to see Mitt Romney go on the attack. It is clear to me Romney is not in his comfort zone under the constant eye of Democrats who want to paint the picture of him being some evil greedy rich guy who destroyed the middle class. Romney thus far has been ashamed to embrace his many accomplishments because he still thinks he needs to be seen as a regular guy to get elected. Only going by the talk of how life used to be, American culture and society in general must have taken a seismic shift South sometime in the last 50 years. I say this because in today’s culture it actually feels awkward to tell most of our peers the big time moves we are making to move up in life, because a lot of our peers just are not doing much. Large groups of people today feel they are entitled to a handout because of the comparative disadvantages they may have faced that a trust fund kid did not have to endure. I am not the site historian, but it is obvious the generation of Americans who worked for everything they owned were so happy when their hard worked paid off they spoiled their children without thinking about it. This created a tidal wave of feeling entitled across an entire generation that became a breeding ground for people who could receive without ever knowing what it was like to actually be pushed to their personal limits. The task of training students to evolve into hard working Americans has been almost solely handed to the government run school systems and this has become a disaster. The decline in family values and broken homes has resulted in an overall soft approach to life where everyone gets a trophy and last is as good as first. The longer this pattern continues, the more dangerous it is for our country and the more she will weaken.
                   Obama rallied these very people out of the wood works with a message of hope and change. Obama wooed the masses through charisma and elaborate speeches into believing there is an easy way out through his administration. Mitt Romney needs to start speaking to the other side of the aisle. He needs to show no remorse for his accomplishments and show the people that everything he has had his hands on has been a winner. He needs to explain his entire family has reaped the benefits of a successful sow and encourage people they can do the same. Romney must turn his work at Bain Capital into a campaign positive by showing he understands business, the economy, and what business owners want. He needs to retell many Americans that jobs come from businesses who are profitable. Mitt Romney may not be a regular guy but I do not want a regular guy as my President. I want someone who actually has the skills to do a good job and be a strong leader. The more traditional Americans have fallen silent to the boisterous liberals, but there are still more people who know what America was like compared to the gullible new age. Mitt Romney must be more assertive and rally the silent majority that is begging for a change. We need a leader.


DrJ