Soccer

This got on my nerves

I don't hate soccer. I grew up loving it. It was probably my second favorite sport after basketball. Growing up, Cobi Jones, Eric Wynalda, Tony Meola, Alexi Lalas, and Brian McBride were heroes. I remember watching any friendly game I could on ABC and hoping in futility that my dad would flip soccer on the main TV. When we would go to the library on Saturdays I would spend my allotted internet time (Stone Age stuff I know) looking up the MLS team sites. As I grew older, my soccer interest waned as my interest in the finer things in life (football, women, and football) increased.

I'd say my souring on soccer came to a head when I played soccer my senior year in high school. I had a basketball hangover and wanted to squeeze every last drop out of my senior year so I went out for soccer. I had played a lot growing up and was invited to try out for the high school team as an eighth grader but forsake the game for four years. My coach was a former semi-pro soccer Cuban defector. His English wasn't the best and he used words like "pace" and "pitch" that I didn't understand. How was I supposed to put pace on the ball? Did I need to make sure that the ball stayed at a constant speed? How does one go about that? Did I need to sprinkle some salsa on the ball? What would that accomplish? I figured out that meant to kick the ball hard. Why didn't he say that? Why didn't he tell me to put some mustard on the ball? This coach was a masterful tactician and a horrible person. He berated and mocked his players and directed most of his energies, both positive and negative, towards his son. It was a horrible situation. We had a good season but I was glad when it ended.

Fast forward to 7/29/14. The World Cup is over, thank God. Seriously, thank God. I enjoy watching the United States play and will occasionally watch a game without the US but I cannot stand soccer fandom. Stop calling the field the pitch. Stop using the British version of "be" usage (i.e. The English team "are"). Stop calling the games matches. Matches are little sticks that create fire or indicate a combat sports bout.

The coup de grâce is definitely calling soccer "football". We live in America, football is football and soccer is soccer. This isn't an American problem, in Canada "football" means their version of gridiron football. In Australia, "football" means Australian football. In America, "football" means football. I recently read an entry in Der Spiegel that stated that as the word "soccer" has been on an upswing in American print media over the last 30 years, the word is on a downswing in the United Kingdom during the same period. Brits have taken offense at the Americanization of soccer and have stopped using the word. To those soccer fans out there that insist on me calling soccer "football", should I also refer to my truck as a lorry? Do I need to call my Oreos "biscuits"? No, no one suggests that.

Back to the original Facebook post that spurred this blog post. Saturday Night in the South is a sacred time reserved for the 2nd biggest SEC game of the day, not a soccer game. I am proud of the CFC making it to the national finals of their tier of the North American soccer pyramid. 9,000 people attended the semifinal game, yet you constantly hear that soccer is swiftly taking over the American sports landscape. Horsefeathers. In the same stadium, the hapless UTC Mocs averaged 9,900+ this past season. The Mocs are horrible. They've always been horrible. They have almost no following to speak of, no large student presence, yet they pull 9,000+ for trash games. As no one stat tells the story, we need to look at the MLS. For all the touting of MLS attendance figures, the league is not a freight train gaining steam. I constantly see soccer fans online bash the NHL, NBA, and MLB and say that the MLS is averaging more fans per game. Well, duh. When you play fewer games and offer tickets at half the price of your counterparts, of course you will average more fans. This blog post explains it better than I ever could.

The bottom line for me is, hey man, you like soccer? Cool, no need to attack other sports. As for soccer taking over America, stop trying to make it happen and enjoy your game.

The B1G is terrible

...and so is every other conference besides the SEC.

Big Ten
Hapless Penn State wasted Northwestern today and knocked them out of the Top 25. Nebraska will probably be knocked out of the Top 25 after losing to Ohio State. Ohio State is the best Big Tenlevenvle team (and likely will be the only ranked team come tomorrow) but is not eligible for the post season. The rest of the Big Ten is garbage and I won't even discuss them. I cannot wait until Bowl Season when the B1G looks even worse. Lee Corso (this is the last time I will ever reference this "man") said last week that the B1G should do an 11-game round robin and each team should play one OOC game against an FCS team so  it isn't as obvious how weak the B1G is. There are a slew of reasons why this is happening and the armchair economist in me says that the decline of the Rust Belt plays a bigger part in the decline in the B1G than anyone wants to mention. If you were to ask Colin Cowherd, he would tell you that there are more "babydolls" and the weather is better in California and the South and that is why the players and coaches emigrate out of the Rust Belt.

The ACC
Clemson tried to grab the brass ring but EJ pulled it out of reach last week. Clemson will host South Carolina to end their regular season which will end their BCS hopes. Clemson isn't the answer.

Florida State is looking good but plays at Miami, at VA Tech (read this "Va Tech", don't say "Virgina Tech" in your head), and at Maryland. None of these teams are spectacular but methinks they will lose one of these games. They will end their regular season hosting Florida who will end their BCS NCG hopes if one of the aforementioned teams don't beat the Gators to it. Free Shoes U isn't the answer. UPDATE: FSU loses to NC State 17-16. How good is Tennessee?

Virginia Tech. Traditional ACC power Virginia Teach. Wow, what a season Frank Beamer is having. Their loss to Pittsburgh was crippling. Pitt had lost two weeks prior to Youngstown State which is a respectable FCS team. Last week VA Tech lost to Cincinnati. Ouch. This week they lost to basketball school UNC. I can imagine that the pitchfork and torch crowd is assembling in Blacksburg, VA.

Big XII
This isn't football but featured the best thing going in the Big XII.

Vintage Bob Stoops.

JF's prediction: Bob Stoops will take his team to play in the 2013 Bob Stoops Invitational.

Big East
This commercial was originally about Big East football but TMIMITW didn't like picking on the less fortunate.

PAC-12
LSU smothered Washington 41-3. Two weeks later Washington beat #8 Stanford 17-13. During the game Jesse Palmer said that Washington had a "SEC-caliber defense." LSU has a bad SEC offense. Am I missing something?

USC was supposed to be the team to finally take down the SEC but haven't looked remarkable all season.

Oregon is good but still has USC, Washingon, Oregon State, and the PAC-12 CG on tap. I think it is safe to say that they lose one of those contests.

Notre Dame
The Irish are looking good but have to play USC, Stanford, and Oklahoma. Gone are the days of my childhood when Notre Dame ate cupcakes every weekend on NBC. I'd love to see Notre Dame make it to the BCS NCG and face <insert random elite SEC team here>.

SEC
Wow. Wow. Wow.

We can divide the conference into five levels

Alabama - Alabama. (I don't even need to say "'Nuff said.")

The Big Boys - Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, LSU. These guys can scare Alabama before losing. They can beat one another and should beat all the underlings of the conference. Yes, Florida is back.

Not Ready for Primetime Players - Tennessee and Mississippi State. Up and coming teams. Good enough to compete with anyone but not ready for the SEC CG. Tennessee beat NC State handily. Florida's win over LSU makes the Florida loss look better but Georgia's loss to Sakerlina makes the Vols look worse. Can comparative scoring ever be trusted? Yes, when it benefits your team.

Hoping for a Bowl - Auburn, Texas A&M, Vanderbilt, Missouri, Ole Miss. Ole Miss is the only team happy to be at this level. Vanderbilt thought that their Thursday night home opener against the Gamecocks was going to be their coming out party. Missouri and A&M said all summer that they didn't take kindly to the notion that they wouldn't immediately compete in the SEC. I wouldn't have taken kindly to it either but it doesn't make it any less true. Gene Chizik will be fired at the end of the season if he has a losing record.

Kentucky - Kentucky and Arkansas. Do we need details?


Class dismissed, enjoy Fall Break.

Back Again for the First Time

I’m not a big fan of the Olympics. As a geographer, I love the geographic aspect of 204 countries competing against one another and as an American exceptionalist, I certainly love that the United States has a thousand-medal, all-time advantage over the next closest country. I do find myself enjoying the swimming events primarily for the commentary of Rowdy Gaines, a true American. I really don’t care who wins qualifying fencing matches between Somali and Latvia. It does not turn my key to see women from Saudi Arabia shoot skeet. Generally, I could not give a darn about what Chinese badminton players do or don’t do. In fact, I had to look the word up to spell it properly. My interest is piqued by the Olympic badminton cheating scandal. For those of you who live under a rock but read this new blog, badminton doubles pairs from Indonesia, South Korea (x2), and the top-seeded team from China threw matches in order to secure more favorable pairings in the round-robin tournament. The top-seeded Chinese team stated they threw their match in order to avoid the second-seeded team, also from China. The IOC removed all offending teams from completion and kicked them out of the Olympic Village; kudos to the IOC. These athletes deserve to be thrown out on the curb. To borrow from the great philosopher Herm Edwards, “YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.” Former Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis’ mantra was “Just win baby.” My high school basketball coach put it most politely “Just win and we don’t have to worry about anything else.” How can these women call themselves competitors? They are all-stars in the sport of lawyerball, nothing else. You don’t have to find sneaky ways to succeed if you are truly the best. Champions take all comers. Mike Tyson circa 1988 would have defended his titles simultaneously against multiple men in the ring if it had been allowed; Michael Jordan would not let his teammates go to bed until he beat them in poker; Ricky Bobby would either win or crash-and-burn trying. If you’re the best, prove it the old-fashioned way. One of the Chinese badminton players has bid adieu to her beloved sport. Billions of Asians care, alas, I do not.

The one and only Herm Edwards

Sidebar: round-robin tournaments stink. Poor format or not, there is never any reason to game the system if you are the best. The Australian Football League has the best playoff structure I have ever seen: AFL Grand Finals Series. Take a few minutes to take it in... Compound that fact with this: if there is a tie in regulation of the championship game, they replay the championship the next week. Imagine if that was the rule for Super Bowls. Class dismissed.